I wanted out
by lily-rhiannon
Summary: This wasn't what I signed up for, I wanted out. But first, there is something I need to do.  Regulus Black


School was finishing, it was time to graduate, we had been asked to think about possible courier options, some said healer, others auror. What I wanted was to become a Death Eater.

My cousin Bellatrix was already a well known Death Eater, who had tortured, murdered and harmed. She was exactly what I wanted to be, or so I thought I did.

Finally I turned sixteen, I asked Bellatrix to take me, let me try and prove myself worthy of working for the Dark Lord, truth is I only did it so my parents would be proud. I was actually frightened, terrified of what to expect. Voldemort did bad, terrible, cruel things to people, and I was going to become a part of it.

Did I feel proud? Yes.

Was Sirius going to feel the same? No.

Sirius was going to hate me, loath me, detest me for everything I'm worth, which to him would be not much. Joining the Death Eaters was like becoming a filthy low-lived prisoner in Sirius's eyes.

I didn't want to hurt Sirius; I didn't want to let him down. But mother and father had told me, Sirius was a disgrace I most certainly would not be.

* * *

Bellatrix took me to the next Death Eater meeting, introducing me to the large amount of solemn people, different races, heights, genders. But they all looked incredibly terrifying. These people had killed; they were wanted by the ministry for deadly crimes! And here I, Regulus Black was sitting here, about to converse, and become one of them.

I stood there awkwardly for a moment or so, until I was interrupted by Bellatrix speaking, to none other than Voldemort himself, I stared into his snakelike dull eyes, his bald, pale head, his slits for nostrils, here I was less than five hundred meters, from the darkest wizard of all time. Shivers were radiating through my body, like an electric current. Was this really what I wanted?

"My Lord, I have bought a new – recruit here, he wants to become a Death Eater, wants to join you, join us!" When Bellatrix spoke to him her eyebrows danced, her tongue darted excitedly, and her skin and eyes shone, it was obvious she was happy here, this is what she had loved doing all along, and she was in her element.

"Ahh, Bella I see, and who may this child be?" A few surrounding Death Eaters sniggered bitterly at me being called a child, I didn't know what to do so I mumbled nothing feebly, and scuffled my feet.

"My cousin, My Lord, Regulus Black!" Her voice echoed throughout the room, she was obviously proud that her family members had joined her, joined her in her quest to fight for Voldemort.

"Well then, let's see how – well let's just say 'strong' the boy is."

"Crucio!"

My body seared in agonising pain, it felt as though I was on fire, being dismembered limb by limb

I writhed on the ground, screaming, I heard my cousin laughing and Voldemort shouting "Fight it boy Fight it!"

I tried to go against the pain; I fought it enough, to grab my wand,

"Expelliarmus"

Though my mock able attempt of disarming did not work, sure enough the curse lifted from my body, allowing me to sit up.

"He will do Bella, come, let's introduce him to Dolohov"

I had done it, I was a Death Eater, as I walked down I noticed the appraising looks from the obviously appalled men and women surrounding me.

I was in.

* * *

I couldn't do it, I couldn't kill. I wasn't made to do this; this wasn't what I signed up for

I had no one to turn to, Sirius had left me, mother and father would be gravely disappointed if I told them I wanted to quit, I had lost all the friends I had after signing up.

I couldn't leave though. Once you were in, there was no turning your back, or he would kill you in minutes.

It was a life sentence

* * *

Voldemort grew to trust me, tell me things I didn't want to hear, things that were unspeakable.

He told me about Horcruxes, said he had one hidden away in a cave that he had visited as a child, he had tortured children there.

He told me, confided in me that he had some inferi guarding the exact location of the Horcrux, told me anyone would be mad trying to steal it.

Maybe I was mad?

* * *

I'd had enough, I wanted out.

Before I could quit, there was one thing I needed to do, destroy the Horcrux. Find it and destroy it.

I apparated onto a spot, not far from the cave itself, swimming with all my strength through the rough, swirling ocean. Trying to make it, trying so desperately. I approached the rocky surface, wet with moss and something which looked disturbingly enough as blood. The entrance was sealed, _how can I get in?_

Then it hit me, blood. It was only natural that Voldemort wanted to weaken whoever was daring to enter the cave that contained a seventh of his soul. I drew back my sleeve slicing open my hand, the fresh, red blood dropped out steadily, I touched my hand to the rock wall, it was obviously magical, it absorbed so much blood, and wouldn't allow me to draw away.

Shakily it released my hand, allowing me to bind it quickly into my shirt. I looked around, the cave was black pitch black, and had an eerie loneliness to it. I lit the end of my wand, throwing the ball of light into the centre of the cave, to a rocky island containing a crystal podium. That would be where the Horcrux was, I lowered my wand to get a better idea on the lake surrounding me, it was calm and still, the water remained flat, though it was murky and dark, and no one would even have the slightest clue of what was in there, except me.

I knew what I was up against.

As soon as my foot touched the water's edge, a rickety old wooden boat appeared, I hopped in, rowing it quickly, I wanted to get out of here as soon as possible. My oar bumped against something, a hand, a pale sunken hand. I swallowed back what was about to leave my mouth, and tried to remain calm and collected.

"Kreacher, I need you," I had been through the plan numerous times with Kreacher; he was a loyal house elf, always looking out for me. He appeared, shaking and looking uncertain, and un-mistakenly holding a sliver locket, a replica of the one we were about to replace.

"M-master, Kreacher cannot do anything to harm his master, allow Kreacher to drink whatever evil potion is in there, please master!"

I simply shook my head, he had been such a good loyal house elf to me, and that potion most likely would kill a tiny, feeble house elf.

"When I say I want to stop Kreacher, you force it down my throat, no matter what I say, understand?"

His orb shaped eyes brimmed with tears, I looked as sternly as I possibly could down on him; finally he nodded his tiny head.

I got a spoonful of the potion, lifting it to my mouth, the moment it touched my lips searing pain stabbed every inch of my body, I heard all of my biggest fears, combined into one, ear pitching screams, until I realised they were my own. It was worse than the Cruciatis curse, worse than anything I had ever imagine, but I kept drinking, scoop after scoop, until it was nearly empty,

"No more Kreacher let me be safe!"

He looked hesitantly before holding my head up for support and serving me the last two scoopfuls.

"Water, get me water"

He went down to the lakes edge, filling the scoop with water, he jumped back suddenly, as hundreds of inferi clambered onto the rock island,

Instantly I turned back to normal, grabbing to locket, Kreacher and asking him to apparate us back home.

I turned the locket over in my hands, before giving it to Kreacher to hide.

I knew Voldemort was going to kill me any day now.

I just hope Sirius knew we were on the same side now.

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**A:N/**

**Regulus Black getting the Horcru, joining and quitting Death Eaters, tremendously fun to write, tremendously exciting to get reviews!**

**Review!**


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